Prison 101 Tip #15

Make sure you stay well stocked up on coffee. In state prison you don't have access to real coffee provided to you from the state with your three hots and a cot so you need to order it from commissary. When I was last locked up they offered two types, Nescafe instant and Columbia instant coffee. Both were shit, they are instant coffee, but better than nothing. The Nescafe red bag had more coffee in it but the Columbia yellow bag was stronger and tasted better. It was also more expensive but well worth it. You can also make a quick buck or two hustling coffee balls to other inmates if you are an enterprising criminal. Bag up enough coffee to make one cup and combine sugar, creamer, ect. Wrap it all up in a piece of plastic and make as many as you can out of the bag then sell them for whatever the going rate is. Monetary value is different in state prison than in the real world. Trade isn't based on cash because there is none so everything must be bartered for with what there is enough of, soup. Ramem noodle soups are the currency in state prison's across this beautiful country. A soup can usually buy you a coffee ball or most anything else. A soup usually cost about twenty five cents or so depending on where you are and you can order up to a case at a time which is 24 soups. Stock up on soup every time you can go to the commissary store because that will be your cash while you are in prison. Pay for your basic needs and wants with it instead of trading away better items that you have a real need for. In some prison's soup isn't the only currency. There are stamps, envelopes, and still cigarettes in a very few states. Any of these can be used for trade. If you are trying to purchase drugs or clothes/sneakers you will have to come up with something better. A money order sent from a loved one to an appropriate address can also be used to purchase whatever you want if you have someone on the outside willing to do such activities for you. This is where I come in if you acquire my services. It is just one of many I can provide for those seeking information or assistance of any kind before going in to start a prison sentence or while even incarcerated. If you are reading this and have a loved one locked up and don't want to deal with them put tell them about what I am offering and email me so they can write to my PO Box instead. Internet access is usually prohibited in prison unless it has to do with school of some kind. Good luck.

Prison 101 Tip #3

This tip is probably not something most people want to hear and I'm not advising that anyone act on this tip unless you know what your doing and are willing to accept the risks. If you are about to be sentenced and know your going into prison on a certain court date or day then your going to need some money. You have a few options here. 1. You can take money with you to court and depending on the state the Marshall's will hold the cash and put it on your books for you once you get into the prison system so you will have it on your commissary account. 2. You can set up an account and add money to it from the outside before you go into jail or do this from jail through your family or friends if your willing to wait a little while to go to the store. 3. You can bring something of value in from the outside world with you. I'm not just talking about sweatsuits and sneakers. I'm talking about tobacco or drugs of some type. Even a very small cellphone if you can manage it. Once your are admitted into the jail or prison, the Correction's Officers will strip search you and make you  squat and cough in case you have hidden anything up your ass. This is the ONLY way to bring in contraband. There is no other way unless you know a guard and have it pre-arranged or set up. If you are going to smuggle something into the prison up your ass you need to at least double wrap it in a balloon or two or three. The more you can fit up your ass, the more you can bring in with you and the more money you will make. Make sure to cut the balloon string as short as possible without leaving it too short where it will become untied, making the contraband worthless and possibly killing you if your bringing in drugs. When squatting and coughing make sure to not drop all the way down and to clench your ass cheeks. Otherwise you will lose your meal ticket and face another court case from getting yourself an outside charge on the first day. Once your contraband is into the prison make sure to get it right out by taking a shit. If you don't trust your cell mate then put up a sheet and don't let him know what's going on. If he can be trusted make sure to share whatever you have with him or at least hook him up with some of the profits. Get rid of it ASAP because word travels fast in jail. When you don't have it out keep it hidden somewhere in the cell or back up your ass. This is disgusting but that is life inside. It's not pretty and you need to do what you have to in order to survive.