Prison 101

Try to make sure you have some money in your pocket when you go in. Of course you can't be expected to know when and where your going to get arrested but if your going to court to get sentenced to a prison term bring at least enough cash to bet the bare essentials and a television. If you go in empty handed you are going to have to wait until you get and fill out visitation forms and set up an account with the prison system then wait till your visitors get approved before they can send you money via money order. A money order takes a few weeks to clear and then hit your books before it will show up on your account and some prisons only let you go to the commissary store once every two weeks so with all this added up and combined you could possibly be looking at a month or two with no money or food and nothing to do but stare at Arsenio Wall. It's a prison joke, don't worry you'll learn it. Anyways, bring some cash or something you can trade for a T.V., beard trimmers, an electric razor, a cd player or radio, and some food and clothes. I recommend tobacco, not drugs because you don't need another court case if you get caught. Tobacco is only a class A ticket which means loss of commissary which you won't be going to anyways with no money on the books yet so don't worry about it. Maybe loss of phones or recreation too but that is short lived and you can work around it depending on the Corrections Officers in your Dorm or Block/Pod. If you are going to have to do the majority of your time in a cell then a television is a must. Without it you will slowly lose your mind. It's fine if your celly lets you use or watch his T.V. with him or while he is gone but that only works for so long and what if he gets transferred? Two inmates in a cell with no T.V. and nothing to do usually leads to fighting and problems. Entertainment is a huge part of keeping inmates under control. T.V.'s are like babysitters. Little 11 inch, electronic babysitters. Hey, you take what you can get inside. If you don't have any cash on you or contraband when you go in then you better have a hustle or learn one quick. You can usually do any type of contracting work or some variation of it inside a prison as a service to other inmates for trade in food/electronics. You better learn this shit if you want to survive.

Prison 101 Tip

When your locked up doing your bid time moves much faster than you would think. In fact it moves faster than it does when your in the real world. The hardest part is filling that time with things that will help you become a better person than when you went in. I recommend taking any programs offered to you as well as signing up for any programs that relate to your case and why your locked  up to begin with. Not only will this help in making you a better person and solving your issues but it will look good in front of the parole board and for potential employers when you get out of prison. There are many of these types of programs to choose from though the list gets smaller and smaller each year while the waiting list to get into them gets longer and longer. Anger management, addiction services like AA and NA as well as specific drug rehab programs are offered and even high school education programs to get your GED. What else do you have to do that is really more important than gaining some tools to give yourself a fighting chance when you get back into society?

Prison 101 Tip #18

Where you are in any individual prison can determine what you have access to. Being in any intake pod, dorm, or block can lead to some great acquisitions such as sneakers, clothes, weapons, even drugs and sometimes a cell phone if someone can fit it up their ass. All of these items can be yours if you position yourself in the right way. First you need to find a way to move into an intake area if your not already in one. Second you need to secure a job in said area to ensure that you won't be moved or transferred. You want to do a good job and stay under the guards radar while also getting them to like you just enough to want to keep you around. If you can manage this then you will have access to everything knew coming into the prison or jail from the street including gossip which people will sometimes use to their advantage as well. I suggest you stock up on lots of Ramen soups and food because that is what hungry new intakes will be looking to trade their wares for upon admission into the facility. You need to hurry as well because not only will others be after the same products you are but typically new intakes aren't housed in these areas for more than a week before being moved. Once they are gone forget about whatever you were trying to get. It is almost impossible to get contraband from one unit of a prison into another in a state facility without either the guards permission or someone that can move freely around the secure areas of the jail. Even if you already have enough sneakers, clothes, and other shit to last ten lifetimes I suggest you continue stock piling in case you get shaken down and lose some of your inventory or you get transferred and robbed by other inmates in the AP room of another prison. Inmates steal, period. That is what they do and why they are called inmates. Most of these people belong where they are and quiet a few are there for stealing so it should come as no surprise that they would rob you just as fast, if not faster, than anyone else. Other prisoners are not to be trusted no matter what deal or offer they have for you. Cash or goods up front for any product or service provided. It wouldn't hurt to help out new intakes with a nice pair of sneakers or some food every once in awhile if you are successful at running this kind of hustle inside. This is one of the best hustles you can find and most lucrative with least amount of risk available. People bring all kinds of shit with them into jail, and usually are willing to come off of it very cheaply especially when driven by hunger. Like I said, keep those summer sausages and Ramen noodle soups handy. Good luck!

Prison 101 Tip# 17

This is what you do if you want to make a shank in prison to stab someone with. There are many ways to do this involving razor blades and toothbrushes, ect. You need fire to melt the plastic in that case and fire is hard to come by in jail. You can use your stinger to light a piece of paper or something or just pop a qtip into the electric outlet in the wall but the then you need to keep the flame lit to keep fusing the blade to the plastic. It takes too much time and is too risky. If a guard smells something burning in your cell he is gonna shake you down. If he finds your weapon your fucked. My advice is this, find something metal that can be filed down. There is more metal in jail than you would think believe me. I piece of a fan blade or screen, anything. Then just use the floor of the cell late at night to sharpen it up. That's it. Sharpen it a little bit every night or while everyone is at recreation or at chow. Hide it somewhere no one will find it like down inside the toilet or something then when it is all finished and sharpened, use it on whoever pissed you off. There are many other methods of making a weapon in jail and plenty of places to steal shit from like the library, or an office your working in. Wherever. If anyone needs a real detailed account of how to make weapons from anything then contact me. I can show you through videos step by step of how to arm yourself and protect yourself.

Prison 101 Tip #15

Make sure you stay well stocked up on coffee. In state prison you don't have access to real coffee provided to you from the state with your three hots and a cot so you need to order it from commissary. When I was last locked up they offered two types, Nescafe instant and Columbia instant coffee. Both were shit, they are instant coffee, but better than nothing. The Nescafe red bag had more coffee in it but the Columbia yellow bag was stronger and tasted better. It was also more expensive but well worth it. You can also make a quick buck or two hustling coffee balls to other inmates if you are an enterprising criminal. Bag up enough coffee to make one cup and combine sugar, creamer, ect. Wrap it all up in a piece of plastic and make as many as you can out of the bag then sell them for whatever the going rate is. Monetary value is different in state prison than in the real world. Trade isn't based on cash because there is none so everything must be bartered for with what there is enough of, soup. Ramem noodle soups are the currency in state prison's across this beautiful country. A soup can usually buy you a coffee ball or most anything else. A soup usually cost about twenty five cents or so depending on where you are and you can order up to a case at a time which is 24 soups. Stock up on soup every time you can go to the commissary store because that will be your cash while you are in prison. Pay for your basic needs and wants with it instead of trading away better items that you have a real need for. In some prison's soup isn't the only currency. There are stamps, envelopes, and still cigarettes in a very few states. Any of these can be used for trade. If you are trying to purchase drugs or clothes/sneakers you will have to come up with something better. A money order sent from a loved one to an appropriate address can also be used to purchase whatever you want if you have someone on the outside willing to do such activities for you. This is where I come in if you acquire my services. It is just one of many I can provide for those seeking information or assistance of any kind before going in to start a prison sentence or while even incarcerated. If you are reading this and have a loved one locked up and don't want to deal with them put tell them about what I am offering and email me so they can write to my PO Box instead. Internet access is usually prohibited in prison unless it has to do with school of some kind. Good luck.

Prison 101 Tip #7

Today's tip for surviving a prison sentence comes from personal experience. I had to learn these lessons the hard way but that doesn't mean that anyone willing to seek the knowledge of others has to do the same. Sometimes reaching out to others to gain valuable insight is the only way to prepare. Once your inside the walls it's too late to ask for advice or guidance. No one will help you and if you ask too many questions you will either get killed or taken advantage of. So, maybe hiring someone such as myself to provide you with the knowledge you need or to help you properly put all your affairs in order before being sentenced is an option or you can always read my blogs. Either way, if your going into a prison with a dangerous reputation and you yourself aren't a fighter or killer you had better adapt or prepare to get used. Either as a sexual slave or for your money and commissary, so if you don't find either of these ideas appealing you had better either buy a name for yourself or make one on your own. There are multiple options with regards to this, 1. You can fight, which I recommend. Just find someone who isn't affiliated with any of the gangs and fuck them up, bad. Use a weapon if you have to but don't use a knife or shank. Hit them with something hard and make sure you do it in front of everyone either in the chow hall or at recreation. You will of course go to segregation but at least no one will fuck with you afterwards. 2. You can join a prison gang, but this can lead to more problems than it is worth like being affiliated and going to an SRG unit or gang unit. 3. You can pay for protection, but once again people will be using you for money and if the money runs out so does the protection. Inmates won't respect you and who knows how much protection you will actually receive. If someone wants to get to you they will, no matter who is supposedly watching your back. Your best bet is to just man up and not take any shit from anyone. Don't walk around with a chip on your shoulder looking for a fight but if someone really steps to you, do what you have to do to handle it. Pick your battles, don't assault everyone for every perceivable insult because too many tickets and trips to segregation will lead to your level getting bumped up or you going to spend time in chronic offenders units. The higher your inmate level the worse life gets. High level prisons are where the most dangerous inmates are housed and also the ones doing the most time. These are places you don't want to be. Locked in a cell with someone doing triple life for murdering their entire family is no where for someone who committed check fraud or some white collar crime to do their time. Your level drops at specified intervals as certain amounts of your sentence are completed, usually around every thirty percent of your time. Once you hit a nice easy level two somewhere you can apply for outside clearance to go work in the community or a half way house. Your behavior will also affect whether or not you receive any "good time," or time off for good behavior. That is why I tell you if your gonna make a name for yourself do it quickly so your ticket has time to clear. Do it at the start of your sentence, not near the end. Contact me for further information or for any employment opportunities.

Prison 101 Tip #2

I have officially started writing the definitive book about the do's and do not's of going to and surviving in prison. My tip for the day is that if you are going into a jail or prison for any significant amount of time make sure you are wearing 5 layers of white short sleeve t-shirts, 5 pairs of white socks, 5 pairs of white boxer shorts or underwear, a pair of white or black sneakers preferably expensive in case you need to sell them but be careful, you might have to fight for them as well depending on what prison you are going into. You also need two grey sweatshirts with no pockets or hood and two grey sweatpants with no pockets as well. These sweatsuits aren't easy to find but I can suggest Walmart. The cheaper the better but you want to make them last as inmates are usually allowed only one clothing package per year including this exact amount and kind of items. Also included in a clothing package but not something you can bring in after sentencing, is two white shower towels and two white face clothes. Depending on the State, you might be allowed to get shower shoes sent in a package as well. If not you'll have to purchase them from the commissary. You do not, I repeat, do not want to go into a prison shower bare foot. It is a recipe for disaster.