Prison 101

Try to make sure you have some money in your pocket when you go in. Of course you can't be expected to know when and where your going to get arrested but if your going to court to get sentenced to a prison term bring at least enough cash to bet the bare essentials and a television. If you go in empty handed you are going to have to wait until you get and fill out visitation forms and set up an account with the prison system then wait till your visitors get approved before they can send you money via money order. A money order takes a few weeks to clear and then hit your books before it will show up on your account and some prisons only let you go to the commissary store once every two weeks so with all this added up and combined you could possibly be looking at a month or two with no money or food and nothing to do but stare at Arsenio Wall. It's a prison joke, don't worry you'll learn it. Anyways, bring some cash or something you can trade for a T.V., beard trimmers, an electric razor, a cd player or radio, and some food and clothes. I recommend tobacco, not drugs because you don't need another court case if you get caught. Tobacco is only a class A ticket which means loss of commissary which you won't be going to anyways with no money on the books yet so don't worry about it. Maybe loss of phones or recreation too but that is short lived and you can work around it depending on the Corrections Officers in your Dorm or Block/Pod. If you are going to have to do the majority of your time in a cell then a television is a must. Without it you will slowly lose your mind. It's fine if your celly lets you use or watch his T.V. with him or while he is gone but that only works for so long and what if he gets transferred? Two inmates in a cell with no T.V. and nothing to do usually leads to fighting and problems. Entertainment is a huge part of keeping inmates under control. T.V.'s are like babysitters. Little 11 inch, electronic babysitters. Hey, you take what you can get inside. If you don't have any cash on you or contraband when you go in then you better have a hustle or learn one quick. You can usually do any type of contracting work or some variation of it inside a prison as a service to other inmates for trade in food/electronics. You better learn this shit if you want to survive.

Prison 101 Tip

When your locked up doing your bid time moves much faster than you would think. In fact it moves faster than it does when your in the real world. The hardest part is filling that time with things that will help you become a better person than when you went in. I recommend taking any programs offered to you as well as signing up for any programs that relate to your case and why your locked  up to begin with. Not only will this help in making you a better person and solving your issues but it will look good in front of the parole board and for potential employers when you get out of prison. There are many of these types of programs to choose from though the list gets smaller and smaller each year while the waiting list to get into them gets longer and longer. Anger management, addiction services like AA and NA as well as specific drug rehab programs are offered and even high school education programs to get your GED. What else do you have to do that is really more important than gaining some tools to give yourself a fighting chance when you get back into society?

Prison 101 Tip# 17

This is what you do if you want to make a shank in prison to stab someone with. There are many ways to do this involving razor blades and toothbrushes, ect. You need fire to melt the plastic in that case and fire is hard to come by in jail. You can use your stinger to light a piece of paper or something or just pop a qtip into the electric outlet in the wall but the then you need to keep the flame lit to keep fusing the blade to the plastic. It takes too much time and is too risky. If a guard smells something burning in your cell he is gonna shake you down. If he finds your weapon your fucked. My advice is this, find something metal that can be filed down. There is more metal in jail than you would think believe me. I piece of a fan blade or screen, anything. Then just use the floor of the cell late at night to sharpen it up. That's it. Sharpen it a little bit every night or while everyone is at recreation or at chow. Hide it somewhere no one will find it like down inside the toilet or something then when it is all finished and sharpened, use it on whoever pissed you off. There are many other methods of making a weapon in jail and plenty of places to steal shit from like the library, or an office your working in. Wherever. If anyone needs a real detailed account of how to make weapons from anything then contact me. I can show you through videos step by step of how to arm yourself and protect yourself.

Prison 101 Tip #12

If you wear eye glasses or contacts make sure you bring a pair with you at sentencing. Otherwise you will have to wait to see the eye doctor which means putting in a request form, which you need to do for anything in jail, and then waiting to be called to see the doctor in the medical unit. This could take weeks. Then you have to wait to actually get your prescription and buy a pair of glasses and that could be another few weeks. If you don't want to be blind for a month or so bring a pair of glasses with you. They can be any kind from the most expensive, which you could sell once you have a cheap pair, or a pair of cheap reading glasses. Getting prescriptions in prison for your eye glasses or any type of medication you may be taking is almost impossible. If your addicted to something and know your going away soon I strongly suggest you detox yourself before going inside. If you don't you can expect to go through a cold turkey detoxification with no help from anyone. Unless your coming off alcohol, in which case the medical unit will put a hold on you and watch you to make sure you don't die. Prison is hard. That's reality. If you want to survive it you must be hard or learn to become hard yourself. Soft weak men and women don't survive a prison sentence and come out the same way they went in. If your about to serve some time you need to prepare yourself in any way you can to come out better off then when you went in.

Prison 101 Tip #10

This bit of information won't relate to everyone going into prison or serving time but it can be helpful. If you have any lawsuits pending or expect or are receiving any sort of settlement or annuity put the money or account in someone else's name. If this is an option make sure it is someone you trust unconditionally because once inside you will have no access to the money unless it is through someone else. If they steal the money from you there isn't much you will be able to do about it. You can hire a lawyer from prison and even have them come to your facility for you to interview but winning a law suit from prison is costly and time consuming. The reason I tell you to hide the settlement money is because if the state or federal government find out about the income they are entitled to a certain percentage of it to cover the costs of housing, feeding, clothing you, ect. The price for your incarceration is usually around thirty five thousand dollars a year or so. If you win a settlement while in prison or in the system and the government finds out about it which they will, they will seize a large percentage of the money. Just something to remember. Contact me for more information with regards to how to hide or launder your money or settlement while incarcerated.

Prison 101 Tip #7

Today's tip for surviving a prison sentence comes from personal experience. I had to learn these lessons the hard way but that doesn't mean that anyone willing to seek the knowledge of others has to do the same. Sometimes reaching out to others to gain valuable insight is the only way to prepare. Once your inside the walls it's too late to ask for advice or guidance. No one will help you and if you ask too many questions you will either get killed or taken advantage of. So, maybe hiring someone such as myself to provide you with the knowledge you need or to help you properly put all your affairs in order before being sentenced is an option or you can always read my blogs. Either way, if your going into a prison with a dangerous reputation and you yourself aren't a fighter or killer you had better adapt or prepare to get used. Either as a sexual slave or for your money and commissary, so if you don't find either of these ideas appealing you had better either buy a name for yourself or make one on your own. There are multiple options with regards to this, 1. You can fight, which I recommend. Just find someone who isn't affiliated with any of the gangs and fuck them up, bad. Use a weapon if you have to but don't use a knife or shank. Hit them with something hard and make sure you do it in front of everyone either in the chow hall or at recreation. You will of course go to segregation but at least no one will fuck with you afterwards. 2. You can join a prison gang, but this can lead to more problems than it is worth like being affiliated and going to an SRG unit or gang unit. 3. You can pay for protection, but once again people will be using you for money and if the money runs out so does the protection. Inmates won't respect you and who knows how much protection you will actually receive. If someone wants to get to you they will, no matter who is supposedly watching your back. Your best bet is to just man up and not take any shit from anyone. Don't walk around with a chip on your shoulder looking for a fight but if someone really steps to you, do what you have to do to handle it. Pick your battles, don't assault everyone for every perceivable insult because too many tickets and trips to segregation will lead to your level getting bumped up or you going to spend time in chronic offenders units. The higher your inmate level the worse life gets. High level prisons are where the most dangerous inmates are housed and also the ones doing the most time. These are places you don't want to be. Locked in a cell with someone doing triple life for murdering their entire family is no where for someone who committed check fraud or some white collar crime to do their time. Your level drops at specified intervals as certain amounts of your sentence are completed, usually around every thirty percent of your time. Once you hit a nice easy level two somewhere you can apply for outside clearance to go work in the community or a half way house. Your behavior will also affect whether or not you receive any "good time," or time off for good behavior. That is why I tell you if your gonna make a name for yourself do it quickly so your ticket has time to clear. Do it at the start of your sentence, not near the end. Contact me for further information or for any employment opportunities.

Prison 101 Tip #3

This tip is probably not something most people want to hear and I'm not advising that anyone act on this tip unless you know what your doing and are willing to accept the risks. If you are about to be sentenced and know your going into prison on a certain court date or day then your going to need some money. You have a few options here. 1. You can take money with you to court and depending on the state the Marshall's will hold the cash and put it on your books for you once you get into the prison system so you will have it on your commissary account. 2. You can set up an account and add money to it from the outside before you go into jail or do this from jail through your family or friends if your willing to wait a little while to go to the store. 3. You can bring something of value in from the outside world with you. I'm not just talking about sweatsuits and sneakers. I'm talking about tobacco or drugs of some type. Even a very small cellphone if you can manage it. Once your are admitted into the jail or prison, the Correction's Officers will strip search you and make you  squat and cough in case you have hidden anything up your ass. This is the ONLY way to bring in contraband. There is no other way unless you know a guard and have it pre-arranged or set up. If you are going to smuggle something into the prison up your ass you need to at least double wrap it in a balloon or two or three. The more you can fit up your ass, the more you can bring in with you and the more money you will make. Make sure to cut the balloon string as short as possible without leaving it too short where it will become untied, making the contraband worthless and possibly killing you if your bringing in drugs. When squatting and coughing make sure to not drop all the way down and to clench your ass cheeks. Otherwise you will lose your meal ticket and face another court case from getting yourself an outside charge on the first day. Once your contraband is into the prison make sure to get it right out by taking a shit. If you don't trust your cell mate then put up a sheet and don't let him know what's going on. If he can be trusted make sure to share whatever you have with him or at least hook him up with some of the profits. Get rid of it ASAP because word travels fast in jail. When you don't have it out keep it hidden somewhere in the cell or back up your ass. This is disgusting but that is life inside. It's not pretty and you need to do what you have to in order to survive.

Prison 101 Tip #2

I have officially started writing the definitive book about the do's and do not's of going to and surviving in prison. My tip for the day is that if you are going into a jail or prison for any significant amount of time make sure you are wearing 5 layers of white short sleeve t-shirts, 5 pairs of white socks, 5 pairs of white boxer shorts or underwear, a pair of white or black sneakers preferably expensive in case you need to sell them but be careful, you might have to fight for them as well depending on what prison you are going into. You also need two grey sweatshirts with no pockets or hood and two grey sweatpants with no pockets as well. These sweatsuits aren't easy to find but I can suggest Walmart. The cheaper the better but you want to make them last as inmates are usually allowed only one clothing package per year including this exact amount and kind of items. Also included in a clothing package but not something you can bring in after sentencing, is two white shower towels and two white face clothes. Depending on the State, you might be allowed to get shower shoes sent in a package as well. If not you'll have to purchase them from the commissary. You do not, I repeat, do not want to go into a prison shower bare foot. It is a recipe for disaster.